The Narcissist Wants to Shame You— Chapter 2
When Past Pain Turns Into Present Punishment
While my spiritual journey has put me through enough pits and falls, the biggest mistake I made in my life was “coming across” a narcissist. Yes, you heard that correctly. “Coming across.” It means that I do not have ANY relationship with the narcissist. I met this person just twice in my life (refer to Chapter 1). Little did I know that these two times were enough for him to cause chaos in my life for many years to come.
This man, who, by the way, heads a branding company in India, had a falling out with his girlfriend of eight years. Since then, he has been unable to move on. He may have gone through the pain, but he doesn’t understand that he hasn’t healed yet. Deep within him, he wants revenge.
He can’t take revenge on his ex-girlfriend’s husband because he is richer than him. And in his dictionary, money defines whether he can take revenge or not. This has built up many years of frustration deep inside of him, and he would do anything to TEACH A GIRL A LESSON. The built-up frustration within his heart now comes out as punishing other people for little things.
In the two meetings we had, he told me how he punished a father and his son for a comparatively smaller mistake, by calling the police and the media and then slapping them in front of everyone.
I was dumbstruck after listening to this. But even after multiple events of punishing people, how can that fire of frustration really go from inside of him? He had truly loved his girlfriend.
So now he tries to find patterns, even if they don’t really exist. His heart, deep within, which is full of the pain of his girlfriend leaving him, now wants to save other men.
In that, he sees his ex in every girl that he meets. So much so, that without knowing my history from my perspective, he is ready to punish me too. Like every other narcissist who wants to shame you and play the victim, he wants to do the same.
But what he really wants here is the satisfaction of having saved one person from a girl that might be cheating on him. He sees the lover in every man and the cheater in every girl.
A few years ago, I met a man about three times in an arranged marriage setup, as we have in India. These meetings were very brief, often just during snack-time. We liked each other a lot and wanted to see if we were compatible. We decided to spend more time together.
On the first day we decided to spend longer hours together, we were walking on a street; this was the first time I walked with him, and I discovered he had been lying to me. This man was physically handicapped, and he had been hiding it from me. During our previous meetings, he would always tell me to wait at a cafe until he arrived.
When I realized he had intentionally hidden his disability and lied to me, I decided I wouldn’t marry him. He had been dishonest from the beginning. Despite this, I didn’t want to hurt him because he already had a physical problem. So, I simply told him that I was asexual to avoid hurting his feelings.
But if you take this case to the narcissist and make him meet this guy who lied to me, he would obviously assume that it’s the girl’s mistake — she, of course, cheated on him. He would not even give the girl a chance to share her perspective because he has already decided that the girl is wrong.
In another case, he wouldn’t care if a girl couldn’t marry a guy because her father passed away just in time and the guy didn’t want to delay. He would simply be ready to punish the girl.
Over the years, his feelings have vented up so high within him that he would do anything to shame a girl. He doesn’t know that deep inside, he is trying to save himself from what happened to him in the past. I do not know if I should feel sorry for him or hate him for becoming a narcissist. It makes me wonder if such incidents turn people into narcissists or if they are like that since their childhood.
Well, I haven’t known this guy since childhood or in his teenage years. I do not know why his girlfriend left him, but I do know for sure that he is very hurt. The question is — is it justified that he punishes other girls for what happened to him or not?
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Kashish Gambhir is Spiritual Consultant from India. She helps people find their best spiritual path and techniques that may help their soul to progress in the most efficient manner possible within their lifetime.
Having walked the spiritual path for more than 29 years, and having explored almost every technique, method and different religions, along with receiving training under one of the greatest spiritual teachers, today Kashish can save at least 9–10 years of exploration on their spiritual journey.
